The Structure that Supports the Essence of You


My best attempts at cultural integration have given me language, foods, sights, sensations, and people that I could have never imagined.

It’s made me grateful and helped me release expectations.

But these are things that, to one extent or another, you can manage to do in the safety of your own culture and environment.

What you cannot do in your own environment is learn who you are. That’s only possible by taking away everything you are not.


“In your own environment, you cannot learn who you are.”

As you learn to thrive in a new culture, everything changes.

The meals you eat, the time you get hungry, the foods you cherish and avoid.

The clothes you put on your body. Which are practical for every day, and the ones you save for special events. Where you sleep, when you sleep, how you exercise, and what dream of, what you miss.

Which behaviors strike you as friendly and rude. What you expect and what takes you by surprise. Which colors represent purity, celebration, royalty, and grief.

The role you play for the people around you—as the talkative one, the independent one, the quiet one, the new one, the seasoned one, the brave one, the smart one, the daughter, the father, the visitor, the host.

Everything changes. Except one common thread that runs through all of it, and that’s you.

And it’s much thinner than you think.

It’s an essence.

That thread is what you need to support and nourish in any situation in order to be happy. The rest will sort itself out. Or you’ll sort it out.

And it will be OK.

That’s adapting—it’s not changing who you are, but rather rebuilding, with new tools and materials, the structure that supports the essence of you.   

“It was so great to talk to a returned volunteer that has COSed and found her way. As a current volunteer I struggle with the ‘whats next’ and it was incredible to talk to Meg and be frank about my feelings knowing that she gets it. She really knew how to give me great relevant advice that is setting me up for success down the road.” -PCV Fiji

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Here’s help navigating the marriage visa to green card process.

From an RPCV who’s been there.


by Grace Milanowski 


My foreign husband and I successfully navigated the marriage visa / green card process. It took about 1.5 years. While we’re no experts, we can offer some advice to those embarking on the process!

A super general overview of the process:

  1. Get married
  2. Fill out a ton of forms, make a million copies, send a huge envelope to USCIS
  3. Wait for a really long time
  4. If you get some letters saying you need to submit more information, do that ASAP
  5. Go to your scheduled interview
  6. Pass it
  7. Yay! Receive green card in the mail

It’s Not Easy


Even for two college-educated, English-speaking adults, the whole marriage visa to green card process was frustrating, unintuitive, and long. But we came out of it successfully, and we are happy to help others by sharing some tips we learned. Each applicant’s requirements will be a little different, but this general guidance will be helpful to everyone.

It’s worth keeping in mind that my husband’s visa history was clean. Any overstaying of visas, travel bans, etc could prolong your process. And even with his straightforward history, we encountered some hiccups along the way. It was no fault of our own; it’s just the way the system works.

Our Story

My foreign husband and I met in 2012 while he was on a tourist visa traveling around the USA. We had a long-distance relationship and visited each other frequently while living in our home countries for about 2.5 years. Then, in 2015 he came to the USA on an F1 (student) visa. We married in 2017 while he was  living and working legally in the USA on an F1 visa. Since he was already in the USA on a visa at that time, we had to apply for an “adjustment of status” rather than a marriage visa. We began that process a couple months after our wedding. 


Here are some tips we can share to help your process go a little easier than ours:



We didn’t feel we could afford a lawyer at the time, but our #1 piece of advice would be: if you can afford one- get one! They know the process and can navigate it easily with you. That being said, do your research in finding a reputable lawyer. We got lucky and were able to find a couple lawyers along the way who met with us on a one-time basis (for a fee of course) to give us an overview, give us tips for navigating the process, and answer some of our questions. I’d also recommend searching for free immigration law clinics in your city. We found one that met in a church every week where current law students would help with forms or answer questions, and it was super helpful. We wished we had found it earlier in the process!



While the USCIS website is where you’ll go to download all the forms, I found it totally unhelpful otherwise. Before we even married, I read the book NOLO Fiancé and Marriage Visa: A Couple’s Guide to US Immigration cover to cover. It was very helpful in understanding the steps of the process and knowing which forms to complete. Make sure any guidebook you read is the latest version, or you may get outdated information. And make sure you check the USCIS website for the most updated version of forms and form instructions, too. 



As early as you can in your relationship, start keeping records and documents of your shared relationship history. This will help in proving that you’re in an actual loving relationship and not working the system in a sham green card marriage. They want to see proof that you’re committed to building a life together, so anything that demonstrates that is helpful.

For example, we included in our application:

  • photos of shared travels (with dates and captions)
  • photo evidence that we had spent time with each other’s families
  • proof of renter’s and car insurance that listed both of us on the policies
  • proof of a shared bank account
  • leases with both our signatures
  • work forms that showed we were each other’s emergency contacts.

We kept everything well-organized in a binder with different sections: copies of forms, important documents, proof of relationship. My husband also kept a record of dates he traveled in and out of the country and on what kind of visas. That was helpful when filling out some forms. 


BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE (and be annoying if you must) 

We ran into some issues when we moved after submitting our application and found out our file didn’t switch cities with us. This should not be a deterrent to you for moving while you’re waiting on various steps of your application. The USCIS system allows for address changes, and we changed our addresses with USCIS very soon after moving. Our issue came up because of a mistake on their end.

We only found out about this mistake because we finally got our interview appointment and it was for the wrong city. It took about 6 calls and talking to  6 different people at USCIS to find out if we had to take a flight and show up for that interview as scheduled or not. The last employee that we talked do during all those calls was the only one with enough seniority to move our file to the correct city and solve our problem. 

Takeaway lesson: if you don’t feel you’re clear on an answer an employee gives you, keep calling and asking! There are different tiers of employees at USCIS, and some issues can only be resolved at higher levels. So if you have a problem, ask whether you need to talk to someone at a higher level to get it resolved.

Another note here: It takes a LONG time to get through that phone menu and decipher how to talk to an actual person. I’d recommend writing it down once you find that magic number sequence!



Because you’ll inevitably have a long waiting period from mailing in your forms to receiving a green card, make sure you stay on top of things. For example, my husband had to re-do a couple medical exams because the first one expired while we were waiting. If your foreign spouse is authorized to work in the USA, make sure that authorization is renewed with PLENTY of time before it expires. Nothing seems to move quickly in the process, so don’t assume you can do things at the last minute and have it work out. 



Every processing site around the country moves at a different pace, so don’t expect your timeline to be the same as ours. The USCIS website can give you a general idea about processing times depending on your region.



We were so relieved when my husband finally got his green card in the mail!! It was quite a celebration.

And don’t forget that 2 years later, you’ll have to send in some more paperwork to show you’re still married in good faith! 


Need some help?

We know nothing about marriage visas.

(but we can help with other stuff)

And Grace would be happy to offer her advice!

   Connect with us to get in touch with Grace: peacecorpstransitions [at]


We’d love to hear your story (and maybe publish it!) Let us know.

Check out our other articles here.

“Think about it: we all do everything we do because we wish for happiness.”

Yes, You Really Can Change Your Life Forever

How’s that New Year’s Resolution going for you?

If that answer is….um, not so much…here’s some great news.

Think about it: we all do everything we do because we wish for happiness. Why did you decide to lose weight/meditate/earn more money in 2019?

You might say it’s so you can enjoy longer life, a more peaceful mindset, or your dream chateau in southern France. And why do you want to do that? Because it will help you experience HAPPINESS. 


So if your resolution is on the rocks, consider ditching it and taking Harvard’s advice instead. Their landmark 75-year study yielded one extremely significant result. And they have really practical recommendations for making it happen. Now that’s a resolution well worth your effort.


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“It was so great to talk to a returned volunteer that has COSed and found her way. As a current volunteer I struggle with the ‘whats next’ and it was incredible to talk to Meg and be frank about my feelings knowing that she gets it. She really knew how to give me great relevant advice that is setting me up for success down the road.” -PCV Fiji

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